It can be a dreaded relationship question.
Many of us have broad outlines as far as compatibility requirements. General boxes at the margins that need to be checked off. For some folks, perhaps it’s sharing religious beliefs or political leanings. For devotees of this station, maybe it’s harboring a deep love of music? And within that subset, there’s the Nick Hornby addendum (1).
But beyond that? To borrow a line from former Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart, I’m betting that many of us adopt an “I’ll know it when I see it” attitude when it comes to attraction. You may think you have a “type” — physical features, interests, education, etc. — and then you run into someone who falls outside many of those parameters… but you crush on them anyway.
Of course, it’s one thing to ask yourself what you’re looking for, as you evaluate the potential rapport with a date. It’s quite another to be put on the spot by a prospective mate. Is it a test? Is this person looking for an out and thus hoping I answer “incorrectly?”
I’ve never posed this question, but have definitely been on the receiving end, and am curious as to what responses people want to hear. (For the record, I’ve never had a good answer, and I doubt the broaching of this topic led to many second dates.) It’s also something else entirely to have the question posed to you, directly or otherwise, two years into a relationship.
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It’s summertime in Alaska (2), and Wendy (Dakota Fanning) is cozily partnered with Jack (Jake Johnson). Jack is older, and amicably divorced with two young children who seem to adore their quasi-stepmom. Things are very comfortable. Or so they would seem.
Wendy has never seemed gung-ho on having kids of her own, but after her friend Lindsay (Debby Ryan) announces her pregnancy… is Wendy having second thoughts? Jack has long been clear about his lack of desire to have more children or get remarried, and perhaps he catches a glint of restlessness in Wendy’s eyes. There was already a bit of a disconnect in terms of lifestyles. Wendy, who operates a bulldozer for a living, exudes a certain jovial toughness. She loves camping and the open water. Jack? He ain’t into any of that, but he’s an affable fellow – a responsible homebody who coaches his kids’ basketball team (3).
Still, after two happy years together, Wendy is floored when Jack drops a bombshell; he wants the two of them to spend some time apart, just so she can see “what else is out there.” He insists that he’s not breaking up with her, and that he simply doesn’t want her to have any regrets. But Wendy is flabbergasted that she’s being pushed away against her will when things are going well, and aghast at the implication that Jack is the one doing her a favor.
Reluctantly and tearfully, Wendy shuttles off, and as fate would have it, runs into her ex-boyfriend Chuck (Cory Michael Smith) at a pub soon afterwards. Chuck is a good-natured “guy’s guy,” about whom you get the impression that he just never could get his act together… but now seems to have steadied himself with a regular gig as an air-taxi pilot for sightseers. And all those outdoor adventures that Jack could never be dragged to? Yep, you guessed it. There’s instant chemistry when Wendy and Chuck reunite.
One suspects that Jack didn’t think Wendy would find another partner, but when she does, he immediately realizes that he’s made a terrible mistake. Not only does he want Wendy back posthaste, but he offers to acquiesce to any and all wishes she may be harboring. Marriage, more kids, a camping spree at REI, she wants it, she’s got it. Desperation is oozing out of his pores.
On some level, one wonders if Jack didn’t feel he was good enough for Wendy? He’s a bit of a schlubby guy, and viewers might ask, why was a beautiful, charming lady like Wendy with him? Subconsciously, perhaps he felt that this was a way for him to establish power in their relationship? In that light… it’s a pretty terrible move. The question is whether it’s a serious error in judgement by a fundamentally decent (if lacking in self-esteem) guy, or a sign that Jack isn’t nearly as upstanding as we might’ve originally thought. It also might lead one to speculate as to why his marriage ended.
In any event, Wendy isn’t a switch that Jack can toggle on and off. She never wanted to leave in the first place, and now Chuck’s blue-collar charm seems appealing to her in all the ways which Jack wasn’t. So… where do they go from here?
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The Sun Never Sets is the brainchild of Chicago-based director Joe Swanberg, a principal player in the “mumblecore” movement that leans heavily into naturalism (4). One could easily see this tale as a madcap romcom in the hands of a more traditional filmmaker and studio, particularly when the throes of jealousy get flipped later on after Jack shows up with his new girlfriend. But Swanberg deftly maintains a serious keel throughout the proceedings. The emotional yo-yos here are not played for laughs; these are flesh-and-blood humans trying to figure out (sometimes inelegantly) what they want in life. It feels very real (5).
Fanning and Johnson both adroitly anchor the film, but Smith’s Cory might be the most interesting character of the three. He’s an interloper, but he’s not a foil to Jack, and he gets buffeted around by Wendy as she starts waffling about their long-term prospects. While Cory has gotten his life back in order, his past is a bit of a wrench in the works, and thus Wendy realizes a newfound appreciation for Jack’s financial stability.
What are we looking for? I’m fascinated with the question of why we like what we like, whether the subject is art, people, politics, you name it. Christian Rudder, co-founder of OKCupid, set out to quantitatively address the topic a decade ago in his book Dataclysm, which is an illuminating read about compatibility (6). But again — written profiles are one thing, humans sitting in front of you are quite another. Would Wendy and Jack ever have gotten together via a dating website? Unlikely. Is that a good thing? We’re inclined to answer “no,” but… we would never want to waste our time either, right? The epilogue of The Sun Never Sets would seem to gently push us in a particular direction, and while there is no neat bow, we are left with cautious optimism.
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(1) While I absolutely think there’s something to what Rob says here, I’m of the opinion that people should be cut some slack as far as musical tastes. Art is subjective, after all, and beats and melodies… these things hit us in primordial ways. Then again, if I met a lady who professed a deep admiration for, say, death metal, I would likely think of that as indicative of some core disconnect between us, and a serious red flag as far as dating compatibility.
(2) Hello, 22-hour days! And yes, thus the title of the film.
(3) We’re inclined to speculate, “what initially drew these two together?” Later on, it makes more sense, seeing as Wendy’s previous relationship was probably with Chuck, and his aimlessness was a huge sticking point. We are often inclined, when moving from one partner to another, to seek out qualities in the latter that the former lacked.
(4) It’s a cinema subgenre that’s near and dear to the heart of this humble scribe. Some of my favorites, which run the gamut from drama to horror: Frances Ha, Drinking Buddies (also by Swanberg), Blue Jay, The House of the Devil, Kill List, It Follows, and Creep. In particular, Frances Ha features the most heartwarming depiction of platonic female friendship that I’ve ever seen on screen.
(5) To help create a vibe of authenticity, Swanberg often has his performers ad-lib dialogue (especially in social situations, say, at a tavern), with instructions to hit particular plot points along the way.
(6) One of the more humorous findings: musically, nothing was more associated with “whiteness” at the time than Sufjan Stevens.